Baby Time??

Its been alot of late night arguments way to many hospital visits
and a hell of a lot of your to young you cant be ready
but i think i am....
i think im ready to take the next step if only my body wants to go along
i sit here and go through my facebook looking at all my friends who are now amazing mothers
i think back to the days when they all bet i would be the first one to have a baby
but it didnt happen that way..
alot of my friends celebrated their 21st with gorgeous little babies in their arm..
what makes me so diffrent??
ive been in a relationship for two and a half years now..
longer then alot of my friends yet im still just the girlfriend and i dont think it will change for a long time..
i want a baby more then he will ever know my past has left a massive whole in me that is waiting to be filled by the little pitter patter of babies feet.. by the late night crying.. and most of all the look in your childs eyes when they look up at you with such amazement..
is it so bad to be 20 and want a baby
is it bad to give up everything you wanted or have for this one peice of happiness
personally i think it is. i think being a mother is the best present i could ever recieve... and if i never got to go over sea's or i never got that brand new car im fine with that because i would never be upset i would never regret my decision....

but what if i cant fall pregnant....... (which is a very high possibility)
then what do i do.. could i still be an amazing mother to a child i know is not mine.....
would the child still love me the same if i wasnt the biological parent???

ive had so many failed attempts im starting to think i will never be a mother.....
ill just be that girl who loves everyone elses child that little bit more then i should because i will never have my own........

i guess i just have to wait and see..........................................


xoxoxo stacey

Almost 21

My 21st is only months away and ive already started the planning
but knowing i wont have a whole lot of cash but want to make the place look fancy im struggling on idea's
im having it at my local and which means that it has to look respectable.
apart from the obvious table decorations what else can i do.. i really want to have a playboy theme if possible but i can not find playboy party decorations to save my life...
if people could give m some idea's that would be awesome..

xoxoxo stacey

All In 1 Week

Ok so in one week ive managed to
*get an operation
*get fired from work
*deal with the police
*get denied for a car loan
*not get accepted for that job
*fight with my partner
*
*
*
ill leave a few stars blank because there is still two days left of the week alot can happen..
so right no im trying to get a car so i can get a new job.. but without a car it makes life hard..

i will keep you posted
xoxoxo stacey

So Its That Time Again

I Have Yet Another Operation Only 3 Hours Away..
Ive Been Awake For Approx 72 hours now, between work, my social life and my partner sleep never fit in..
so ive got a colonoscopy today.. yay nothing better then feeling violated.. and trust me that area is a NO GO ZONE!!!!
it means that ive once again been put on laxatives.. ive starved myself for 3 days knowing the outcome but yet im still off to the toilet every couple of minutes..

they dont know why they are doing this surgery its just another one in the long list of possible answers that just involves me laying there and putting up with the after marks..

my social and home life has taken a turn for the worst with my partner and i arguing more then ever about me constantly being so distant.. its hard ive go so much on my plate..

i recently found out that my parents are getting a divorce. my father (if i can call him that) has been cheating on my mother for the past 7 or more years out of a 20 year marriage..

my 18 year old brother is another complete story on his own i could spend hours going through him and his life.. but basic story is he is suicidal over my parents break up, has a drug problem and is also a homosexual which all together is one big problem...
his sexuality is none of my business but the way he gets picked on and often bashed up is unfair.. it makes me feel guilty for not being able to protect my brother (who i do not have a good relationship with)

so between all this and a whole lot more im really looking for my escape and i have found it here..
weather or not anyone reads this i dont care but the fact that i can write it all and get it all off my chest is a big relief..

well must prepare my self for todays op and i will post later today hopefully on the after marks of today..


xoxoxo
stacey

First Post

Ok So ive had this blog for about 9 months now but im just getting around to writing my first blog now.

i guess i can start with the basics
im the kinda girl who will bottle everything up and then explode

my other half is my better half he is there when i need him. ive lived with him since day one, two and a half years later we are talking about the future and what we want.
we fight like crazy and i tend to slam alot of doors.

my girlfriends are my escape when you need that time to goof around they are always there with no judgements

my car is my life. i love driving with no destination where ever i end up is fine with me.. which sometimes ends up with me and friends going interstate without planning it.

i also have alot of health issues and find it hard to deal with at times. i fight for endometriosis and the woman who suffer from it. you are not alone in this fight.

im very opinionated and will fight till im blue in the face. i know alot about things that are sometimes not worth knowing. i plan things out to the second which is quite funny because i tend to be very spontaneous aswell.. quite contradictive dont u think.

there will be plenty more posts coming
about my love my life and the decisions im yet to make

xoxo Stacey